harmony at home

Ever wonder why your child wants to stay longer outside with his friends or lockup himself in the room for hours and skip family dinner? Maybe he's not having quality family time when you , his parents, are around. Or he does not feel the warmth that home should be giving every child. You might want to check these and reconcile some awkwardness in the home.

ENCOURAGE YOUR CHILDREN

When your child did something good, award him and appreciate the deed, rather than scold him when he did something bad. If he did something wrong, explain to him what makes it bad and the consequences if he do it again. Encourage your child to do good not only for a reward but it is a good trait so that people will treat him good as well.

GO ONE-ON-ONE

If you have more than one child, it is good to know what each of them likes or wants, to know their individuality, especially if you have a boy and a girl. You can spend one weekend with your son strolling the park on a bike ride, or doing computer games( ask him to teach you), or you can play ball games with him, or take him to a weekend ball game, or just watch his favorite game or cartoon TV show at home with homemade snacks that he loves. For your princess, you can take her to the mall and buy her new dress or new hair accessories, you can go  to a salon and have a haircut together or a manicure, or you can color with her and chat together about stuffs she likes, or play dollhouse and tea set.

NO ANGER-BASED PUNISHMENT

Don't promise anything when you're in a happy mood, and DON'T CURSE WHEN YOU'RE IN BAD/ANGRY MOOD. Surveys says that 99 out of 100 cases of parents punishing their kids when they are furious resulted to worse. It is either the child will do it again or the child will just hate you for getting mad. The kids, sometimes really can get to your nerves, but they are your kids. What you should want for them is nothing but goodness and wellness, so find ways to instill these in them. Don't ask them to face the wall for long hours, kneel on some rock salt or mongo beans, carry heavy books on both arms,deprive them of meals etc. Believe me, I am no mother yet, but I have seen kids being punished with these and yet after the punishment, parents will surrender to them and ask them if it hurts. Duh!. of course it hurts, the kids will have the notion that their parents will surrender after every punishment, so it's okay if they do it again.

DON'T BE A NAGGER

If your child did something bad, explain to him what make the act bad and its consequences. Discuss with your child that doing the reverse will give him more satisfaction, it's what experts say Reverse Psychology approach. Shouting at them will just make them cry and cry more, and if the lesson is not taught at the first time of offense, the child will do it again. Of course, kids can be really stubborn( just like us!) but parents should be patient in explaining to them what they did.

BE HONEST

If the family is having problems, like finances, it is good to be open to them and involve them in the situation. Discuss with them that the family's finances is on the rocks, so there will be some cutting-off on the allowances  and stuff. Don't give them the attitude to boast to their friends that they can have any, when, in reality, your family's on a tight budget. Don't ever let your child sees you taking money from your husband's wallet or pocket while he's asleep or away. When in public, never show your kids some dishonesty that adults are often guilty of, like in grocery stores, when change given by the cashier is more than what it should be, or over-taking some car on the road, or over-taking someone in the queue for ticket or washroom. Be an example, a good one. A good leader is also a good follower.

BE PATIENT

Sometime, we are more patient and tolerant with our co-workers that with our family. This should not be the case. Parents, should be abundantly patient with kids because they are our family and we love them and we want only what's best for them. So if you can't get them understand at first, repeat it until they absorb it. It's like getting rid of some dirt, you wash them gently over and over again until the stain's removed, without tearing the fabric.

TEACH CHILD PROPER DECORUM

Teach your kids proper and kind ways in telling their problems or requests to you without arrogance. Listen to what they will tell you and give them advice on their problems, or explain to them why you can't grant his request. I have seen children who arrogantly ask their parents to buy them stuff, some even have tantrums , especially at the mall, or after Sunday mass, I wonder if parents explain to them that it is not always " I get what I want". 

LEARN TO PLAY WITH YOUR KIDS

If you're a working mom, you only spent little time at home, so make it a quality time. Forget the orderliness or cleanliness of the home, I know you are control-freak, but your children love to see you loosen-up sometimes and be like them for a while. Watch a family movie together with popcorn and lemonade, plug in karaoke and sing your heart out, play basket ball in your backyard, ask him to teach you to play the guitar or chess, or dress up her dolls, play charades and goof around. Kids love to them see their parents like their playmates, not as strict teachers.

All these must be in moderation, do not spoil your child, or neglect him.

Happy Bonding!

photos: dreamstime